Kinky

In this week's Sexplain It Live, sex columnist Zachary Zane and the Sober Sexpert Tawny Lara discuss drunk sex, bisexuality, and BDSM.

ZZ: Always! And I don't know if he's using apps to meet men, but I'd recommend not using Grindr. He should opt for apps that are less about casual sex and more about dates because a guy on Grindr probably won't want to walk him through a sexual encounter. I think it's also worth noting that 25% of the bisexual community is on some form of the alcohol use disorder spectrum, which just means we are likely to self-medicate with alcohol. But if you can keep in mind there are other ways to get in the mood—like some impact play stimulating the neurons—you don't need alcohol. I think putting your anxiety on the table and letting your partners know will be helpful. I get so nervous talking to men and doing anything sexual with men. I mean, I think it's clear that they know that they like being a sub. I mean, there are so many other ways to get in the mood other than alcohol. ZZ: First, props to you for recognizing that you're bi. So when we have internalized shame, sex negativity, or homophobia, it can be challenging to overcome sober, but it's possible. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. Like I really love being submissive and doing some kinky shit when I'm fucked up, but not while I'm sober. I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations.